


Everything We’d Left Unsaid

by BurningSwan



Series: What We Cannot Have [9]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Anxiety, Cute Ending, Embarrassment, Fluff, Friendship, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Izaya’s an idiot, Light Angst, M/M, Metaphors, Past suicidal character, Referenced Suicide Attempt, Stairs, Vorona is just mentioned, but also kinda sad?, getting better, so are shinra and celty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2019-01-23 08:53:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12503636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurningSwan/pseuds/BurningSwan
Summary: They had to talk about it eventually. They couldn't ignore it forever. Shizuo hadn't planned on it, but that doesn't make it any easier. But they need to talk about this in order to move on. These things don't just disappear.





	Everything We’d Left Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> WOAH HERE IT IS GUYS!
> 
> Tbh, I’m sad this is ending because I really enjoyed writing it, but now that it’s completed I can focus more on writing Falling Down, Down, Down and the Mistake series. 
> 
> I really like the end, after several attempts at writing it, I’m pretty satisfied. As for the rest, I think it’s somewhat so-so, but I’m usually pretty hard on myself so who knows. 
> 
> I never expected to make such a long series (though it’s not really that long, techincally, but considering it was only supposed to be one or two parts at most...)
> 
> I think this might be somewhat ooc for Izaya (even within the series) but that might just be me.
> 
> Regardless, I hope you enjoyed this series and this final chapter.
> 
> This was lots of fun, so thank you for joining my writer’s journey and I hope you continue reading and enjoying my works!
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> ~BurningSwan

Truly he had long considered when he should talk about it, and to what extent he should.

Whether he should wait for Izaya or take the initiative in hope that it might be more effective. Talking with Celty had reassured him in certain ways; he was always glad for her friendship. 

He still waited for at least a little bit, keeping an eye on Izaya to see in what ways he was getting better. Izaya was sleeping more and for longer, he ate every now and then, usually when Shizuo came by or when Namie or Shinra managed to convince him to...

It was a slow uphill climb, but they couldn't be hasty or he could fall and they would lose every bit of progress they made. It was a delicate situation that required wariness and close observation.

The days he waited stretched into weeks, and he decided he shouldn't have to wait much longer. After comparing the Izaya who had thought he had nothing to the Izaya now, who at the very least had Shizuo (and somewhat unbeknownst to Izaya, there was also Namie), and the difference was cheering. 

If the change was so stark, then they must be doing something right to fix everything.

Remembering his conversation with Celty, he alerted Shinra and Celty when he decided to finally talk with Izaya.

———

"Izaya, I need to tell you something." Shizuo said one day, knowing he couldn't let this go on any longer. He couldn't fix everything until they moved past this.

"Oh...What is it?" Izaya instinctively curled into himself, defensively, preparing for the worst.

Shizuo's expression softened and he felt a slight sting because yes, Izaya was still like this. He just hoped that one day that would change and Izaya would never even consider to do anything like...self-harm and suicide like he had when Shizuo was still dating Vorona.

"I love you now, and I will love you forever, so don't try to leave again, do not try to take your life again, please." The last words weighed heavily in the air.

Izaya forced a smile, his heart swelling. Joy rose in his chest that it wasn't anything like what he dreaded he might hear.

"I won't leave. I'm not going to leave, not while you're here...so you can hold onto this." Izaya mumbled, taking out the switchblade that had almost erased this life from existence. He held it out to Shizuo, fingers trembling.

Shizuo shook his head, curling Izaya's fingers around the closed blade.

"You can keep it, Izaya. You need this, don't you?"

For a while, Izaya just stood there, looking down at his hand where Shizuo's fingers were still touching his own, before his whole body began to tremble ever so slightly, where Shizuo would not have noticed if Izaya were not the one thing he was paying attention to. 

Izaya teared up and hid his face with his other hand. He put the switchblade away, and crashed into Shizuo unsteadily.

"You're an idiot, I don't deserve you." He hissed, burying his face into Shizuo.

"No, Izaya, this is everything you deserve. There's no reason for you to think like that anymore."

"But!-"

Shizuo cut him off with a gentle, passionate kiss.

Izaya trembled into the kiss, tears trailing down his cheeks.

Shizuo pulled away, touching a hand to Izaya's cheek to wipe away the tears.

"Izaya, this is how it is now. I'm with you, and no one else. I love you, and I will say it until you get sick of hearing it if it means it will sink in." He said, knowing there was still a ways to go, a bridge to cross because things weren't perfect yet. The best he could do was constantly reassure  Izaya and convey everything to him, both emotionally and physically.

"I know, I know but...It's hard, I still can't stop thinking that way. I still- It's hard to accept this because I never thought that this would happen...I thought that this could never be, that I would never be anything more to you..." 

Shizuo did his best to reassure Izaya, knowing that at least something had changed for him to actually open up to Shizuo. 

Izaya was still talking, but it no longer mattered. Shizuo already knew what he wanted to say because he had learned so much in the long weeks and months he had spent working to bring Izaya back from the hollow shell he had been when he had wanted to take his own life.

When Izaya stopped babbling, calming himself, the two of them just enjoyed each other's company for a long while.

Izaya just kept reminding himself of what he had, that everything was real and that it was happening. And just maybe he was finally starting to allow it to sink in, to accept it.

———

Things were looking up in their gradual way.

Izaya, though he still slept more soundly when Shizuo was around, was able to sleep almost as well when he was alone (though increasingly rare those nights might be, they still happened infrequently). He ate meals at least once or twice a day. 

Namie noted, a little pessimistically, that Izaya was returning to his usual mischievous and devious self.

Well, she hadn't expected much to change in that aspect anyways. Though, he seemed, in a different way from before, happier, genuinely happier.

If there was anything she had wanted (though never admitted), it was for Izaya to have a chance at happiness that he had for so long been denied. (In all honesty, she was somewhat jealous of their good relationship. Somewhat ironic considering it was what she had wanted, in a way, when she messed with things in the first place).

If there were to be any sign that Izaya was getting better, then the return of his bad personality was a surefire way.

Shizuo didn't even seem to mind and, as far as Namie could tell, it didn't seem to make any difference.

———

"Izaya, I'm here." Shizuo announced as he took off his shoes and left them near the door. 

When he received no answer, he wandered to Izaya's office to find him asleep on his desk, his computer still on with the default screen saver playing. 

Shizuo sighs softly and looks closely at Izaya's face. 

The bags under his eyes had faded and his face had rounded out again from its previous gaunt appearance, both signs that his physical condition was improving, even if there was more difficulty and slower progress with respect to his mental and emotional condition. 

Shizuo leaves him to rest, doesn't even think to touch Izaya's computer (though surely, he might have been curious and he did consider turning it off, but if there was anything that was unsaved, he didn't want that pressure on Izaya), and finds something to pass the time.

———

When Izaya wakes up, it's way darker than when he fell asleep. He scolds himself for his carelessness before gazing around the room as his eyes adjust to the darkness.

"You're finally awake?" Shizuo appears, smiling softly and he walks over towards Izaya.

"Mm, I must have fallen asleep while working..."

"Don't beat yourself up over it, you had slept horribly for a long time before."

The subtle hints at the context go unacknowledged.

"Still, it was extremely careless." Izaya mumbled, checking his computer with bleary eyes. 

"Izaya, leave that for later," Shizuo chides, ruffling Izaya's hair once he was standing by Izaya. "Don't you have something to say?"

Izaya frowns while he considers this, unsure what Shizuo is referring to.

"It's not your birthday." He states, ruffled.

Shizuo laughs and Izaya's heart jumps because he hadn't expected it. If he thought about it, he was sure he'd never really heard Shizuo laugh before, but the light-heartedness of his laugh was almost too much.

"No, no it's not," Shizuo agrees. While Izaya gives him a confused look, he pecks him on the cheek. "Still love you, Izaya." He smiles.

Something seemed to click.

"Oh..." Unlike Shizuo, who told those words to him at least once a day, Izaya rarely said it, and always said them as if begrudgingly. Perhaps all he wanted was Izaya to say them as if he meant them.

Three words.

That's all he had to say.

His face began to heat up against his will and he looked away from Shizuo, who was still smiling so cutely, Izaya couldn't take it. 

He pouted, remaining silent for a long while.

Shizuo turned Izaya's chair towards him and took his hand, lifting him out of the chair.

Izaya floundered momentarily, before Shizuo wrapped his arms around him, a large smile stretching across his face.

While so close, it was hard to deny. Not with his heart beating so wildly.

His face flushed against his will and he stuttered,

"I love you, too, Shizuo."

That kiss tasted sweeter than anything Izaya had ever tasted and he wouldn't trade this feeling for the world.

Sure, his nature forced doubts down his throat, but Shizuo didn't let them last. One day, things would change, but for right now, he could settle for this because Shizuo was right here with him and neither of them were planning on going anywhere. 

What he thought would never be possible became possible and he would never wish for anything different.

_Happiness. ___

__This is something he can have after all._ _

__It seems that what was at the top of the staircase was something after all._ _


End file.
